Entries from the Devil's Dictionary (Ambrose Bierce)

army
a class of non-producers who defend the nation by devouring everything likely to tempt an enemy to invade

autocrat
a dictatorial gentleman with no other restraint upon him than the hand of an assassin

belladonna
in Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues

cerberus
the watch-dog of Hades, whose duty it was to guard the entrance - against whom or what does not clearly appear; everybody, sooner or later, had to go there, and nobody wanted to carry off the entrance

conceit
self-respect in one whom we dislike

conservative
a statesman who is enamoured of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others

deluge
a notable first experiment in baptism which washed away the sins (and sinners) of the world

elope
to exchange the perils and inconveniences of a fixed residence for the security and comfort of travel

famous
conspicuously miserable

fidelity
a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed

gallows
in this country (America) the gallows is chiefly remarkable for the number of persons who escape it

grave
a place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student

harbour
a place where ships taking shelter from storms are exposed to the fury of the customs

historian
a broad-gauge gossip